Fear.

My heart is breaking right now, for someone I barely know. 


A friend, who I've only met a couple times in real life, lost her husband this weekend.  He was a police officer, on his way home from work.  He was on his motorcycle, and hit by a drunk driver. 

As soon as I read about it on facebook, the tears started flowing.  I've never met him, but they have 3 young children.  She is a stay at home mom.  He was in a motorcycle accident, caused by someone else.  I guess it just hit close to home.

While it brought back memories of our accident, and was a reminder of just how blessed we were, that isn't why my heart aches for her.  I immediately thought about how I would feel if it were Ryan.  That ache in my heart that would never go away.  Having to tell the kids (probably multiple times) that they would never see their daddy again.  How would I go through each day with this terrible yearning for a life that could have been?  The inevitable question of Why?!  Why him?  Why me?  Why do our kids have to live the rest of their lives without their father? 

That is why my heart breaks for her, their kids, and their entire family.  That is why I have been, and will continue to pray for them. 

At church Sunday morning, just hours after hearing about my friend's horrible loss, a man asked about my motorcycle tattoo.  He rides, but said his wife doesn't really like it, so he's considering stopping.  After I mentioned our accident, and that I haven't been on the bike since, he said "Why should you?"  He pointed out that if something were to happen, it would be both parents that their kids would lose. 

I told him of my friend who just lost her husband.  I told him I don't ever want to be in her shoes.  That is a pain that I never want to know, a pain I don't want my kids to know.  But I also told him I would ride again.

In today's world, just going to a movie can get you killed by a senseless act of violence.  People are killed each day in motor vehicle accidents (motorcycles or not).  High winds can cause an 18 wheeler to fall on your car.  Going to school doesn't guarantee safety, as we learned after Columbine and countless other school shootings.  Ryan's job has the potential for a fatal accident.  Even staying at home, there can be an electrical fire.  People get sick (Ryan himself is a cancer survivor).  Our daily routines are never 100% safe.

I have often thought about telling Ryan that as long as we have young kids, he can't ride.  I've thought about never riding again.  Almost everyone asks me if I'll get on another bike.  My answer has always been "Yes, I will."  

I do not want to live my life in fear, for that is no life at all.  I will ride a motorcycle again, with Ryan.  When?  I can't answer that.  I do know there will be some amount of fear involved, I'm not going to lie.  The few times Ryan has gone on his bike alone has had me worried. 

But I refuse to let my fear win.  I will continue to live my life.  I will use our story as a testament to God's mercy, love, protection, and grace.  (Side note: You should read the article, "So you STILL think God is a merciful God?!")

If He calls me Home before (what us humans think is) "my time", then so be it.  I know in my heart I will see my family again.  But I will live this life He has created for me until that day comes.  Because He lives, so will I.

"Because He lives I can face tomorrow.  Because He lives, all fear is gone! Because I know He holds the future.  And life is worth the living just because He lives!"


Please pray for my friend who lost her husband, their 3 children, and their entire family.

Lord, I pray for my friend, their children, and their entire family.  I pray they feel the comfort, strength, and peace that only You can provide.  I pray they allow Your people to help them through this terrible time.  Please be with their friends, who will be Your hands to hold them, Your shoulder to cry on, Your feet to help them, Your arms to lift them up.  Lord, drive all fear and anger from their hearts, so they are able to hold onto the loving memories of a loving husband, father, brother, son, cousin, and friend.  Help ease their pain, but never forget.  Help them to feel Your presence today, this week, this month, the first holidays, and every day of their lives as they miss him.  Help them to know that they can face tomorrow, and that life is worth living, just because You live.  Amen.

Because He Lives

(Verse 1)
God sent his son
They called him Jesus
He came to love
Heal and forgive
He lived and died
To buy my pardon
An empty grave
Is there to prove
My Savior lives

(Chorus)
Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life and is worth the living
Just because he lives

(Verse 2)
How sweet to hold
A newborn baby
And feel the pride
And joy he gives
But greater still
The calm assurance
This child can face
Uncertain days
Because he lives

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)
And then one day
I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's fi-
Nal war with pain
And then as death
Gives way to victory
I'll see the lights
Of glory and
I'll know he lives

(Chorus 2xs)