It shouldn't be about business.

I'm sitting here watching the Business of Being Born for the first time.  I've put it off, knowing that it would only confirm this nagging voice telling me that with the next birth, I do not want another c-section.  I've finally sat down to watch it, and I was right.  Less than 5 minutes into it, it just confirmed I want a midwife to deliver my next baby.  And here I am writing this.  Which I've also been putting off. 

Riley was born via c-section, after a scheduled induction.  I was 38 weeks, 4 days pregnant.  I had been dilated at a 2 for a couple of weeks, and having horrible back labor.  I went in for an appointment at 38 weeks, and the doctor suggested scheduling the induction.  I was so done at that point, that I agreed.  I was uncomfortable. 

"I" being the key word.  But in all honesty, I was fine with it.  I was still hoping to hold off on the epidural as long as possible.  I only wanted it as a last resort, for when I couldn't take the pain any longer. 

I went in early on the scheduled day.  The IV with the pitocin drip was started at about 7:00 am.  By 1:00 (or so, I don't remember exactly), I was dilated to "barely 4 cm".  The doctor had broken my water a few hours earlier (which was extremely painful without any pain meds), but things weren't progressing as they liked. 

I asked for an epidural then, after they upped the pitocin, trying to speed things along.  Well, labor stalled after that.  I couldn't feel the contactions, thanks to the drugs.  I watched them on a moniter.  Around 5:45 pm, I was still at a 4, so the doctor recommended a c-section.  He cited "failure to progress" as the reason.  He also told me Riley's head was getting stuck in my pelvic bone. 

Riley was born at 6:15 pm in an operating room.  The cord was wrapped around his neck, so it was a couple of minutes (that felt like an eternity) before we heard his cry.  Once we did, it was the best sound in the world!  I cried silent tears of joy.  I still hold dear that moment when I heard him for the first time, and then a few minutes later when I saw him.  As soon as they closed me up and took me back to my room, Riley was there waiting for me.  I nursed him within minutes of returning to the room.  He stayed in my room the entire stay at the hospital.  I wanted him close so I could nurse on demand.  And, I didn't want to be away from him.



Riley, just minutes old in the OR.
He weighed in at 8 lb 2 oz!

When I was pregnant with Elijah, I was unsure of what to do.  I liked the idea of a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), but I was scared something would go wrong.  I was scared of going through the labor process, and still needing a c-section.  I spoke to my ob/gyn about what to do (a different one, since we thought we were going to move at the time).  She told me because of the circumstances of my delivery with Riley, that she would only do a scheduled c-section. 

I ended up changing back to the ob that delivered Riley when we realized we would not be moving.  I spoke with him about what to do.  He told me it was my decision.  Great.  Now *I* had to be the one to decide.  Secretly, I was hoping he would just tell me so I wouldn't have to think about it.  I wanted a VBAC, but I was scared.

The fear won. 

We scheduled a c-section for 11/11/09.  Eight days before his due date.  I kinda liked that day, it would be easy to remember.  And it happens to be Veteran's Day. 

It was very different than the first birth.  Very calm.  A lot of waiting, not feeling at all like we were about to change our family forever.  Eli was born at 8:03 am.  Less than 2 hours after arriving at the hospital.  His cry came almost immediately after he was out, and it was a very surreal moment.  I was able to breastfeed him as soon as I returned to my room.  But I was so out of it from the drugs that I ended up sleeping most of the morning.  Eli was in the nursery most of that time.  Which is not something I wanted, but I was so out of it, I couldn't really complain.  That was the only time he was away from me, since we also "roomed in". 

Elijah, seconds old in the OR.
He weighed in at 8 lb 10 oz!

I can't go back and change anything about my 2 birth experiences.  I don't feel guilty about them, either.  I don't feel cheated.  It is what it is.  I was (and am) happy I had a healthy baby in my arms after each birth.  Not all moms are so blessed.  I won't be ashamed to tell the anyone about how my children came into this world.

I'm not any less of a mom because I've had 2 c-sections.  Nor do I love my babies any less.

At the time, I really didn't know any different than what has become the "norm" for births in America.  I didn't know anyone who had a midwife instead of an OB.  I didn't know anyone in real life who had a successful VBAC.  Online, of course I read success stories.  But those didn't feel real since they were just people behind a computer screen. 

But now I do.  The cloth diaper community has opened my eyes to a whole new world of birth!  Now I know there are midwives in this area that will do VBA2C's.  I know people who have given birth in birth centers.  And at home.  And even at home unassisted, without a midwife. 

Before the accident happened, we had discussed trying for #3 in the summer of 2011.  Well, things didn't exactly work out they way we planned.  Techically, I could get pregnant now if we wanted.  I have been told my pelvic bone is all healed up, and there are no more surgeries anticipated.  But we have been through so much in the last 10 months, both physically and emotionally, that we have decided to wait.  My body is still healing.  6 surgeries in an 8 month span is hard on any body.  I'm still trying to figure out my new "normal".  We are trying to heal and move on after a life changing event. 

I don't know when we will have another baby.  But I know our family is not complete just yet.  For now, we will enjoy life!  God has His own plans.  We may not know what He has in store for us, but I know He will continue to bless us more than we deserve!

When we feel the time is right to have another baby, I want to see a midwife. I want to give birth in a birth center. I'm not quite sure of a home birth, especially after 2 c-sections. I would feel more comfortable not in my own home. Especially if we move to the country soon.

I want to experience spontaneous labor. The anticipation of adding another child to our family.

I won't let fear win again.

I want to experience birth the way it was meant to be.

Freedom!

I just got home from an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon.  This was a big appointment for me, with several questions about my recovery.

First of all, it's all looking great!  My plastic surgeon cleared me two weeks ago to lose the boot I've been wearing for so long, but I had to wait for this appointment to see what the ortho said.  The 2 screws in my left ankle are still there and in place.  Problem is, with my already skinny ankles and the muscle atrophy, my ankle is down to nothing!  I can touch my thumb and middle finger together when I wrap them around it.  So because of this, and also the range of motion I'm slowly gaining, I have been able to feel the 2 screws, on either side of my ankle (inside and out).

He told me before that it was a 50/50 chance of having the screws removed.  If they broke, then they could stay.  But they are still intact.  And since my ankle has no muscle, fat, or tissue to cushion the screws (which is why I can feel them), he is recommending they come out.  So in about 4 weeks I will go in for Surgery #5 to have them removed.  It will be a quick day surgery, with a short recovery.  He also thinks I will have better range of motion in my ankle after removing the screws.

This is all great news!  Yes, it means another surgery, but it also means that I am healing and my body is doing what it should. 

The surgery will fall around the week of August 22-26, which falls right before a very busy September. There's Labor Day, our 5 year wedding anniversary trip to San Antonio, and a trip to California to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and my niece (who I have not been able to meet yet).  But the recovery time for this surgery will be quick, so he doesn't think it will hinder any vacation plans.

The biggest and most exciting news of the day is that I can stop wearing my boot!!!!  This is the best news of my recovery, especially here in Texas!  The boot is lined with "fur" (I think it's fleece).  It is the hottest boot imaginable.  Everyone tells me it looks like an Ugg.  And it's been 100+ degrees here for several weeks.  Yesterday my car told me it hit 110*.  Imagine wearing your Ugg's in that weather!  Not fun. 

He also told me to start weaning off of the crutches.  I have tried using just one crutch (with the boot on), and even no crutches.  It wasn't pleasant.  But when I got home today (wearing my regular shoes), I was actually able to walk around (well, limp around) and carry my own plate of food.  It is such a relief to know that I am now able to get myself something to eat or drink without having to rely on someone else to carry it for me.  I am not ready to go crutch-less out of the house just yet, but I'm on my way!

I don't think I'll be able to wear my sexy heels  on our anniversary trip, but that's okay.  I was told 4-6 weeks after the surgery to be careful (no dancing or twisting of the ankle), so that will be a little too soon to wear 4" heels.  I'll just have to go find some sexy flats!

Riley is doing well, too.  I had an appointment a couple weeks ago to get him started with play therapy.  Now I'm just waiting to hear back from the counselor to get him scheduled.  He's had a busy few weeks!  He's attending the Summer Fun! camps at our church, as well as Vacation Bible School.  He has had a blast, and will continue to have fun as the summer goes on!  While he seems to be doing a little better, I still want to get him in the play therapy to make sure he is able to work through his emotions after the accident.  He still holds a "grudge" against motorcycles, and seems to worry more than he should.  The anger issues are still there, but don't seem to be as bad.

Almost forgot to mention that I've been driving for the last few weeks.  Which means I've been off the pain meds for a few weeks!  Over the counter meds have been able to manage my pain (mostly). 

So that's it for now.  I'm staying busy with church, kids, the DFW Cloth Diaper Group, the DFW Cloth Diaper Project, physical therapy,  and other activities that are part of life!

My son has PTSD.

And he's not even 4. 

Since the accident 8.5 weeks ago, Riley has been acting out, having potty accidents, and just flat out not listening.  He also has days where he's just sad, or mad, and he doesn't know why.  He's also had several occassions where he woke up in the middle of the night crying.  He doesn't want to go to bed, although the last week he has been better about bedtime.

I know what you're thinking:  He's 4 (almost -- in less than 2 weeks).  It's just a phase, he'll get past this.  No, it's more than that.  I know typical 4 year old behavior, I taught preschool classes for many years.  This is typical 4 y/o behavior, magnified.  Plus a whole lot more.

Last week I called our family doctor, since things have been getting progressively worse, not better like I had hoped it would.  She told me that he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Those words never even crossed my mind.  I knew a lot of this was normal behavior, but more of it was because of the changes that have occurred since our accident. 

It all makes sense.  It's been hard, on all of us.  Consistancy has been hard with 3 adults, who have 3 different parenting styles.  My mom has been living here since the accident, since I'm unable to care for the kids while Ryan is at work.  With his increasing temper tantrums and acting out, it's very frustrating.  It's hard to find the perfect balance between the comfort he craves and the discipline he needs. 

After talking with his doctor, we are all changing the way we talk to him, and trying our best to be on the same page.  We need to stay firm, while letting him know we understand why he is so frustrated sometimes.  He doesn't know how to process his feelings.  He gets mad, then he gets sad...and he doesn't know why. 

We also will continue to reassure him I am going to be fine, and that I'm not going anywhere.  One day for me to be away from him feels like forever.  Ryan and I drove off for a date, and I didn't return home for 2 weeks.  He was scared and unsure of what was happening.  After coming home, I had 2 more brief hospital stays (surgeries).  The last one (2 weeks ago) really upset him.  He did not want me to leave again.  I am the one who is always here, day and night.  He's used to Ryan going to work all day, then coming home.  But he's not used to me being gone for more than a few hours. 

And I'm hurt, and can't care for him the way I usually do.  I can't get down and play with him.  I get tired easily.  The pain meds make me nauseous, so he's seen me at my worst.  I hurt, and he has to be gentle.  My mom has been here to help with those things, but it's been very different for him.  He's used to Mimi being Mimi who spoils him, not the primary caregiver who has to discipline him.  It's very confusing for him.

If in the next week things do not improve, we will go back to the doctor and talk about either play therapy, or a play group, to help him learn how to process his emotions.  She said it would probably only take a few weeks, but it would be well worth it for him.

It is hard to think about the fact that we can't "deal with" our son's behavior.  We're his parents, I'm his Mommy.  We should know exactly what to do.  I know he's having a hard time with things, but I also know we can't baby him and let him get away with eveything because of that.  That will only make things worse.  It also doesn't help that when I am in pain or very uncomfortable and tired, because my patience runs very thin at those times.  It's hard to stay calm when all I want to do is yell because I'm in pain.  So when he is refusing to listen or do what I've asked him to do, it is extremely frustrating.  There are times that I feel like the worst mom in the world because I just yelled at my kid for something as little as not picking up his toys.  This is where we need to find that balance of comfort and discipline, but it's hard.

Hearing the doctor say that he has PTSD was hard to process.  He's so young to be going through that.  I almost feel guilty, but then I feel guilty for feeling guilty.  It is so hard to know that this is something I can't just kiss and make better.  I wish I could.

I know things will get better, and that I am not a failure as a mom.  But right now it is hard, on top of everything else we are dealing with now.  So I ask for your prayers, especially for Riley.  Please pray that he is able to process his emotions in a positive way.  Please pray that we have the wisdom to parent him in the way that he needs. 

Riley enjoying Legoland Discovery Center, just a couple days before my last surgery.

:::squeal:::

I FINALLY have a CLOTHESLINE!!!

I am so excited, can you tell?

I have been asking my husband to put one up for a year.  And now I have one.

LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!

I am excited to start saving some energy by line drying the diapers, and whatever else I can fit on the lines.  It was very relaxing doing the monotonous work of hanging the items on the line.  A good way to clear the mind.  I even did part of it with E on my back in the Pikkolo. 



I finally have a photo of my diapers out on the line.  I have always been a little envious of the beautiful photos I've seen on so many cloth diaper forums and pages!  Now I have my own to share!!




The pretty colors <3





I added some clothes to the 2nd line.  I ran out of room.  I need more lines...



I'll throw in the other project we did this weekend.  "We" being my husband, with a little help from Riley.

Riley enjoyed playing in the hole for the new tree we planted.

Making sure it's deep enough!

Watering the new tree:)

This Moment -- True Love

Wordless Wednesday

Visit to Mimi and Baba's, way past bedtime.

Wordless Wednesday

Again, not completely wordless (for those who know me know this is no big surprise;) and I'm posting it a day early since today feels like Wednesday to me!

This is an old photo (obviously, since Riley was still in diapers!) but one of my favorites!  It's one of the few moments Riley and Eli were still long enough to get a cute picture. 

They are both wearing Doodle Dypes (older style).  I will be doing a review on Doodle Dypes (one of my favorite diapers!!!) soon.  For now, though, you can go vote on this pic to help E win a custom Doodle!  They are celebrating their 1 year anniversary with a photo contest!  All you need to do is "like" the photo in their album.  The photo with the most "likes" will win a custom Doodle Dype!  If I win I may decide to spread the Doodle love and do a giveaway........

Snow, Pancakes, and a Bullseye

After 3.5 days of being iced in, I told Ryan I wanted to go to IHOP.  So after bundling up, we ventured out.  We decided to go to Target while we were out.  We were almost out of milk, and could use a few other things since it was, after all, my normal shopping day.  Here is our trip in pictures.

driving down our street

he decided not to wait for a fork.

coming home

having fun in the snow!

Gut Check

At 18 months old, I expressed my concern to Riley's pediatrician about his language.  I was concerned that he was on the lower end of how many words he should be saying, as well as how he said them.  She told me not to worry, that he would catch up.

I was also concerned since he had a history of ear infections.  His doctor told me that most kids outgrow ear infections by the age of two, so she did not recommend even considering tubes until then.  Despite my concern, I listened to his doctor.  After all, she's the medical professional, right?

I even asked on a parenting forum if I should be concerned, and the general consensus was "He's a boy, he'll catch up", "boys talk later than girls, don't worry, he'll be fine", "my child didn't talk until they were x years old, and now they won't stop".

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

Everyone, including his pediatrician, said to wait and re-access when he was 2.5 years.  So I did, though I always had that nagging suspision that something wasn't right.

When Riley was 2.5, he had yet another ear infection.  At his appointment, I spoke to his doctor about my continuing concern about his speech.  Again, she responded by telling me that even though he was on the lower end of the number of words he should be saying for his age, he was still in the "normal" range.  That was not what I wanted to hear.  She completely ignored my concern about how he spoke, and the fact that even I could barely understand him.  He talked all the time, we just didn't know what he was saying.  I was constantly translating everything he said, at least the parts I could understand myself, even to Ryan.

If you know Riley, you know just how sweet he is!  He loves to play with other kids, especially older ones.  When we would go to the park or mall play areas, he loved finding new friends.  Most of the time the kids, even older ones, played with him just fine.  But there were many times that the older kids didn't want to play with him because he was a "baby".  Now, when I say "older" kids, I mean kids less than 2 years older than him.  He was 2.5-3 years old, not a baby.  It broke my heart.  Especially since it never phased him.  He is so kind hearted that he didn't realize they were being mean to him.  As he got a little older, it started to effect him more.  He would come tell me, with a sad face, that his friends wouldn't play with him.  What do you say to that?  I would try to encourage him to find another friend if someone wasn't being nice, but it was still hard to watch.

I had enough.  This, along with some other reasons, gave me the reasons I needed to find a new doctor.  In the meantime, though, I looked up the number for Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) and contacted them myself.  No doctor referral needed!  We scheduled an evaluation, and 3 weeks later a Speech Language Pathologist came to "play" with Riley. 

She knew immediately he qualified for services.  She jokingly said "Do we even need to do an evaluation?"  That made me feel so much better, just to have that confirmation that I was right.  That's not the reason I wanted an eval done, to prove I was right.  But it did feel good to know that I made the right decision to leave a doctor who would not listen to my concerns about my child.  I am the parent, after all, and who knows my child better than me?  She told me he had a severe articulation delay, therefore causing an expressive language delay.  Again, that just confirmed what I tried telling his old pedi...how he said his words was my biggest concern, and that is his main delay.

He was put on a waiting list, since they had so many children needing services at that time.  It was nearly 6 weeks later, in late March of 2010 that Riley started weekly sessions.  The SLP came to our house to work with him.  ECI is a great program, for children ages 0-36 months.  Meaning, when Riley turned 3 years they could no longer help him.  Since he only had a few months with them, ECI helped me through the process of enrolling him with our school district to start ST in the fall.  He again went through an evaluation, as well as a hearing test.  His hearing was normal, no hearing loss despite all of the ear infections he had.

Before the school year ended, we had him set up to start ST in the fall.  He turned 3 over the summer, and so ended his weekly ST sessions.  In June, he had back to back ear infections again, so we were referred (by our new wonderful doctor who listens) to an ENT.  Pretty soon surgery was scheduled for early July to insert tubes and remove his adenoids.  In speaking with his current doctor, his SLP, as well as the ENT, we all agree that his speech delay was almost certainly caused by the number of ear infections he has had.  Even though his hearing was not effected, the way he heard sounds was.  We all think this is why he has an artic delay. 

He started ST in the fall (at the same school I went to as a child) twice a week.  Fast forward to now.  He is 3.5 years old, and I do not need to translate most of what he says.  He still has a ways to go, but he has come so far!  I am very proud of his work.  He loves going to his "speech class" at his "red big school"!  He enjoys playing with kids at the park and play areas, and it's been a long time since I've heard one of them calling him a "baby".

I'm not sure if he will graduate in May, or if he will continue next year with his ST.  I'm not worried about that.  I'm just happy he's getting the help he needs now.  I know to always follow my "mother's intuition" when it comes to my kids, despite what others (including doctors) may say.  No one knows a child better than their own parent.

For a long time I said I regretted not being pushy early on, instead of waiting so long.  Now, I do not believe in regrets.  I see no point in them.  We don't have time machines to go back and change anything, and even if we did, I believe we can use all of our experiences (good and bad) and learn from them.  So for me to say I regretted not following my gut sooner is a very big statement.  But I no longer regret it.  I use this experience to share Riley's story with others.  Any time someone asks about their child's speech, development, or anything they are unsure about, I always tell them to follow their gut.  Even if everything turns out fine, I think it is better to be sure than to always wonder. 

Riley playing at the Children's Museum

Brotherly Love

When Riley was 16 months old, Ryan and I decided that he needed a little brother or sister to play with.  So I started on a roller coaster of emotions as we began trying to conceive.  Each month I took at least a couple pregnancy tests hoping that I would be pregnant.  But each month I was disappointed.  Mid-February, we decided to wait for a few more months since we knew Ryan was most likely about to start a new job, which offered great benefits.  I was a little sad that it would be a while longer before holding a new baby in my arms, but knew it was for the best. 

One day in mid-March while sitting in Braum's, enjoying a brownie hot fudge sundae with Riley, I felt an odd sensation.  I just knew I was pregnant.  I can't exactly explain exactly how I knew, but I did.  So I stopped at Walmart and picked up yet another pregnancy test.  It was positive!  As soon as we decided to wait is when I got pregnant!  When I was pregnant with Riley, I couldn't wait to see Ryan's face the first time he held his baby boy.  But this time, I couldn't wait to see Riley with his new baby brother or sister! 

We explained to Riley that there was a baby in my tummy, but I don't think he quite understood what that meant.  He knew my belly got big (he told me so!), and he liked hearing the heartbeat at the doctor, but I don't know how much he really understood.  He hugged and kissed my belly, and told the baby "night night".  I knew before Elijah was born that Riley would be a great big brother!!

I had more morning sickness this time, so much that I took vitamin B to help calm my stomach.  I also had severe hip pains off/on throughout the pregnancy.  Even though I gained 10 lbs less than I did with my first pregnancy, my belly was definitely bigger!  After disussing the options with my doctor, I decided to have a repeat c-section.  So late in the pregnancy we scheduled Elijah's birth date!  November 11, 2009 (11/11, which is Veteran's Day!). 

It was a very calm, relaxing experience (at least compared to my first c/s).  I wasn't very nervous about the surgery, but I was very anxious to meet our new little boy!  At 7:46 am, Elijah William Barnhart was born!  He weighed in at 8 lb 10.5 oz, and was 20 3/4" long!  I didn't see him at first (since there was a curtain in the way), but the doctor and nurses commented on how big he was!  Ryan went and took pictures, but it was still a few minutes before I could see him up close.  He was beautiful!  His face was all squishy and just so cute!

When Riley first saw Elijah, he didn't seem to sure what to think.  He loved on him and hugged him!  He gave him lots of kisses! 

Riley is still the best big brother!  Elijah loves to watch his big brother go crazy!  He has a special laugh reserved just for Riley.  I love watching them grow up together!  Riley sings to Elijah when he cries.  He brings him toys to play with and they laugh together.  Riley even entertains Elijah in the car! 

I always knew that someday I would love being a mommy, and that I would love my kids.  Now that I am a mommy, I love them so much more than I could ever have imagined!  They are the best gifts God has ever have given me!  Nothing can describe the joy my children bring me!  Even on my most stressed out day, it melts my heart to hear Riley say "I wuv you, Mommy!" and to see Elijah's precious smile!

An Amazing Surprise!

October 27, 2006 I felt different.  I can't exactly explain it.  All week I had been extremely tired.  I had been having mood swings for about a week.  I wasn't late, I wasn't nauseous, but I got the thought in my head...What if I'm pregnant?  So on my way home from work I stopped at Walmart and bought a pregnancy test just to prove I wasn't.  I bought the 3 pack just in case I needed more for a later date.  I couldn't get home fast enough.  Ryan was already home, but I didn't know what to say to him, so I just said I needed to go to the bathroom.  I was literally shaking as I watched two pink lines show up almost instantly.  I had to hold onto the counter for support.  I waited the two minutes as instructed, but those two lines were still there.  I was speechless, scared, happy, nervous, but mostly, I was excited!

We had been married less than 2 months when I took that positive pregnancy test.  We had decided to wait until we had been married a year before talking about when to our first baby.  I will never say that Riley was a mistake, or even that he wasn't planned.  He was planned!  God's timing is sometimes different than our timing.  Riley has brought so much joy to my life, and I cannot imagine my life without him!!

The entire pregnancy was pretty good, with only mild morning sickness.  With the exception of being my first pregnancy, it was pretty uneventful as far as pregnancies go, which I think is a good thing!  We were thrilled to find out we were having a boy, though we would have been just as excited if we were having a girl.  We did the 4D sonogram, which I think was an amazing experience. 

I started having terrible back pains in the last few weeks, which I later realized were actually contractions.  On the morning of June 26, 2007, we drove to the hospital for the last time as a family of 2.  I was already dilated to 2.5 cm when they started the pitocin drip and the IV.  The contractions weren't too bad at first, but as they do, gradually increased to the point I wanted the epidural.  Unfortunately, Riley was facing my front (instead of my back) which was causing horrible back labor.  But then, labor stopped progressing completely.  I had only dilated another 1.5-2 cm in a 10 hour period.  The doctor told me at about 5:45pm that Riley's head was getting stuck in my pelvis.  He said if I really wanted, I could try to move around some more to get Riley to move, but that he recommended a c-section.  I was tired, and I was ready to meet my new baby boy!  So I agreed to the c/s.  Then everything happened way too fast!  I got extremely nervous as I was wheeled into the OR.  It wasn't because I was about to have major surgery.  It was because the moment we had been waiting 9 months for was finally here!  I was about to meet my son! 

At 6:15 pm, Robert Riley was born!!  He was 21 1/2" long, and 8 lb 2 oz!  They let me "hold" him for only a moment before taking him back to our room.  They then closed me up, took me back to our room, and I finally got to hold my baby boy!  The entire day was very surreal, especially those first moments holding him!

Now he is almost 3 years old.  Wow!  How did that happen?  I look at him everyday and wonder How did he get so big?  Where's my baby boy?!  There is nothing better than being his mommy!  Well, maybe there is.  I think the only thing better is seeing Riley with his baby brother!